Sex Therapy Vancouver & Sexual Addiction Counselling

Sex Therapy Vancouver

Sex Therapy Vancouver understands that human sexuality is a vital aspect of life. At some point in the life cycle, many people will experience problems with their sexuality and could benefit from the assistance of sex therapists (also called sexologists). As a sex therapist in Vancouver, BC, who combines compassion with a variety of sex therapy exercises and techniques, I provide professional counselling services to adult individuals and couples, regardless of age, genders, and orientation, for the following issues:

  • Sex addiction
  • Pornography addiction
  • Diminished sexual desire
  • Erectile Dysfunction (ED)
  • Premature Ejaculation (PE)
  • Delayed Ejaculation (DE)

Vancouver Sex Addiction Counselling

Vancouver Sex Therapy

I provide professional counselling services in Vancouver, BC, for men and their partners who struggle with the following out of control sexual behaviors:

  • Masturbation (to online pornography)
  • Promiscuity (casual hookups, flings, encounters with street prostitutes, massage workers, and escorts)
  • Pornography
  • Phone sex
  • Cyber sex (internet chat-rooms, web-cams, message boards)

What is Sexual Addiction?

The definition of sexual addiction (also called hypersexual disorder) is consensual sexual fantasies, urges, and behaviors, marked by a recurring loss of control and continuation despite harmful consequences, which cause distress.  This is predominately a male diagnosis, characterized by symptoms and signs such as lack of desire for their spouses, marital conflict/ family dysfunction, financial difficulties, impairment of goal-directed behavior, diminished self-esteem, and infections.

An individual’s behavior is only an addiction if there is a longstanding pattern of being obsessed with sex and pursuing it compulsively in a way that is distressing to the person.  Often a man’s behavior is neither chronically compulsive nor distressing to him, but it is distressing to his significant other.  Although this indicates a relationship problem which I am happy to assist with, it does not indicate an addiction.

Help for Sex Addicts

As an experienced, Registered Vancouver psychologist who is a sex therapist/sexologist, I provide comprehensive counselling, which is informed by the latest research in psychology and is respectful of privacy, in treating driven sexual problems (including the compulsive use of porn).  Because change is difficult (driven sexuality is highly reinforcing and marked by a tendency to relapse), initially the methods used in counselling focus on increasing the man’s motivation. I emphasize that the more clients are prepared to do whatever it takes to stop the behavior, by way of investing time, effort, and resources, the more likely they are to have a full recovery.

After increasing motivation, I help clients addicted to sex to separate from the driven sexual behaviors using a counselling plan called the Sexual Health Plan (SHP), which is informed by sexual health principles. The SHP delineates boundaries they choose not to cross and tools to achieve this.  It is flexible and accommodates behaviors that clients are ambivalent about and not yet ready to change as well as behaviors they wish to continue but moderate (called harm reduction).  As an adjunct to the SHP, I often recommend that clients attend Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA).

Counselling involves changing behaviors (such as practicing stimulus control), thoughts (such as externalizing the negative inner voice that rationalizes “acting out”), and feelings (such as identifying in words and bringing presence to intrusive, trauma feelings – such as fear, shame, and pain (see the article Intrusive Feelings), rather than escaping the feelings through compulsive sex that causes more problems. I give particular emphasis to helping men learn in individual therapy to regulate themselves emotionally in a healthy way.

Help for Women in Relationships with Sex Addicts

When men have married or unmarried spouses who are suffering as the result of their behavior, as an adjunct to individual counselling for the man, I include the spouse in joint, marriage counselling that teaches them how to validate each other’s emotions, to communicate honestly and responsibly, to rebuild trust, and to forge a new, relationship style, in which the man experiences real gratification through a close connection and intimacy. My work as a sex therapist and couples counsellor is informed by Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.

For a hypothetical case study that illustrates how I apply the principles and practice of counselling to sex addicts, click on the link below. This describes a married man with a history of compulsive pornography/masturbation as well as promiscuity.

Please see this Case Study.

Sex Counselling for Married Couples with Low Sexual Desire

Sex Therapist Vancouver

Diminished interest in sex is a large source of emotional stress in relationships. Typically, the higher desire spouse feels rejected, which triggers intrusive feelings of anxiety and undesirability (an aspect of shame). The spouse with lower interest feels pressured, which triggers intrusive feelings of anxiety and guilt (an aspect of shame). As fear and shame increase, the relationship experiences negative cycles of blame and avoidance, damaging intimacy and connection.

As a sex therapist and counsellor, I offer comprehensive, compassionate, marriage counselling in treating diminished interest in individuals and marriages. Because diminished interest is difficult to treat, initially my methods used involve heightening motivation. I emphasize that sex is a team sport, and that the more men and women work together as a team, with the willingness to do whatever it takes, the more likely they are to find a way through and around the vexing issue of diminished sexual libido and to restore intimacy.

After increasing motivation, I draw upon a variety of counselling exercises that are tailored to the relationship situation. Typically, these include interrupting the relationship’s negative, pursue-distance sexual cycle, introducing a model of responsible communication to facilitate talking honestly and responsibly about sexual thoughts, emotions, and fantasies, integrating erotic interests that have remained hidden, planning sexual dates, and exercises for couples.

For a hypothetical case study that illustrates my way of counselling relationships with diminished sexual interest, click on the link below. This describes a woman experiencing a lowered drive for sex in a nonsexual marriage.

Read the Case Study here.

Sex Therapist Vancouver for Male Sexual Performance Issues

This man is suffering from sexual performance issues.Having provided services as a sex therapist in counselling to countless men who struggle with Erectile Dysfunction (ED), Premature Ejaculation (PE), and Delayed Ejaculation (DE), I get how distressing these issues are. Men experience a loss of confidence, fear, shame (humiliation), and depression, typically suffering in silence and not knowing how to talk about these all too common difficulties. These emotions are often triggered for their partners also, who are puzzled by men’s avoidance of love-making and tend to blame themselves. The good news is that by bringing performance issues into the light, and working in couples therapy as an intimate team to achieve orgasm (love-making is best viewed as a team sport), they can be managed and often resolved such that the relationship continues to reap the multiple benefits of healthy sexuality and intimacy.

Counselling involves learning and practicing cognitive-behavioral sex therapy techniques. Although each of the performance issues requires a somewhat different approach, reducing anxiety and increasing sexual arousal are common to all three, with the exception of PE, where, rather than heightening arousal, clients learn its management.

Please click on the link below to read a hypothetical case study that illustrates how as a therapist I provide counselling to treat sexual performance issues. This case involves a man experiencing primary PE and secondary ED.

View the Case Study.

 Vancouver Sex Therapy Near Me

At some point in life, many people have issues pertaining to sexuality. Regardless of whether you are struggling with feeling out of control with your sexual behavior, a lack of sexual desire in your relationship, or issues pertaining to male sexual performance, Dr. James is pleased to offer his services. The hardest step to finding a solution is often the first – reaching out. As an experienced, Dr. of Counselling-Psychology in BC and sex therapist/sexologist, Dr. James invites you to contact him at Sex Therapy Vancouver by email info@pauljames.ca, phone, or text at 604-873-0222. He is happy to engage in a brief consultation in order to answer your questions.