Sex Therapy Vancouver &
Sexual Addiction Counselling
Sex Addiction Help and Sex Counselling Therapy in Vancouver, BC
Human sexuality is a vital aspect of life. At some point in the life cycle, many people will experience problems with their sexuality and could benefit from the assistance of sex therapy in Vancouver (also called sexologists and sex therapists). As therapist in Vancouver, BC, who combines compassion with a variety of sex therapy exercises and techniques, I provide professional counselling services to adult individuals and couples, regardless of age, genders, and orientation.
I can provide you help with the following:
- Sex addiction
- Pornography addiction
- Diminished sexual desire
- Erectile Dysfunction (ED)
- Premature Ejaculation (PE)
- Delayed Ejaculation (DE)
Vancouver Sex Addiction Counselling and Therapy
I provide professional services in Vancouver, BC, for men and their partners who struggle with the following out of control sexual behaviors:
- Masturbation (to online pornography)
- Promiscuity (casual hookups, flings, encounters with street prostitutes, massage workers, and escorts)
- Pornography
- Phone sex
- Cyber sex (internet chat-rooms, web-cams, message boards)
What is Sex Addiction and How Therapists Can Help
The definition of sexual addiction (also called hypersexual disorder) is consensual sexual fantasies, urges, and behaviors, marked by a recurring loss of control and continuation despite harmful consequences, which cause distress. This is predominately a male diagnosis, characterized by symptoms and signs such as lack of desire for their spouses, marital conflict/ family dysfunction, financial difficulties, impairment of goal-directed behavior, diminished self-esteem, and infections.
An individual’s behavior is only an addiction if there is a longstanding pattern of being obsessed with sex and pursuing it compulsively in a way that is distressing to the person. Often a man’s behavior is neither chronically compulsive nor distressing to him, but it is distressing to his significant other. Although this indicates a relationship problem which I am happy to assist with, it does not indicate an addiction.
Counselling and Therapy for Vancouver Sex Addicts
As an experienced, Registered Vancouver psychologist who is a sex therapist and sexologist, I provide comprehensive counselling, which is informed by the latest research in psychology and is respectful of privacy, in treating problems (including the compulsive use of porn). Because change is difficult (driven sexuality is highly reinforcing and marked by a tendency to relapse), initially the methods used in therapy focus on increasing the man’s motivation. I emphasize that the more clients are prepared to do whatever it takes to stop the behavior, by way of investing time, effort, and resources, the more likely they are to have a full recovery.
After increasing motivation, I help clients addicted to sex to separate from these behaviors using a counselling plan called the Sexual Health Plan (SHP), which is informed by certain principles. The SHP delineates boundaries they choose not to cross and tools to achieve this. It is flexible and accommodates behaviors that clients are ambivalent about and not yet ready to change as well as behaviors they wish to continue but moderate (called harm reduction). As an adjunct to the SHP, I often recommend that clients attend Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA).
Therapy involves changing behaviors (such as practicing stimulus control), thoughts (such as externalizing the negative inner voice that rationalizes “acting out”), and feelings (such as identifying in words and bringing presence to intrusive, trauma feelings – such as fear, shame, and pain (see the article Intrusive Feelings), rather than escaping the feelings through compulsive sex that causes more problems. I give particular emphasis to helping men learn in individual therapy to regulate themselves emotionally in a healthy way.
Sexual Counselling Help for Women in Relationships with Vancouver Sex Addicts
When men have married or unmarried spouses who are suffering as the result of their behavior, I include the spouse in joint, marriage counselling that teaches them how to validate each other’s emotions, to communicate honestly and responsibly, to rebuild trust, and to forge a new, relationship style, in which the man experiences real gratification through a close connection and intimacy. My work as couples counsellor is informed by EFT.
For a hypothetical case study that illustrates how I apply the principles and practice of counselling to sex addicts, click on the link below. This describes a married man with a history of compulsive pornography/masturbation as well as promiscuity.
Help for Married Couples with Low Desire
Diminished desire is a large source of emotional stress in relationships for couples. Typically, the higher desire spouse feels rejected, which triggers intrusive feelings of anxiety and undesirability (an aspect of shame). The spouse with lower interest feels pressured, which triggers intrusive feelings of anxiety and guilt (an aspect of shame). As fear and shame increase, the relationship experiences negative cycles of blame and avoidance, damaging intimacy and connection.
I offer comprehensive, compassionate, marriage counselling in treating diminished interest in individuals and marriages. Because diminished interest is difficult to treat, initially my methods used involve heightening motivation. I emphasize that sex is a team sport, and that the more men and women work together as a team, with the willingness to do whatever it takes, the more likely they are to find a way through and around the vexing issue of diminished libido and to restore intimacy.
After increasing motivation, I draw upon a variety of sex counselling exercises that are tailored to the relationship situation. Typically, this part of therapy includes interrupting the relationship’s negative, pursue-distance sexual cycle, introducing a model of responsible communication to facilitate talking honestly and responsibly about sexual thoughts, emotions, and fantasies, integrating erotic interests that have remained hidden, planning sexual dates, and exercises for couples.
For a hypothetical case study that illustrates my way of counselling relationships with diminished interest, click on the link below. This describes a woman experiencing a lowered desire in a nonsexual marriage.
Therapy for Male Sex Performance Issues
Having provided counselling services to countless men who struggle with Erectile Dysfunction (ED), Premature Ejaculation (PE), and Delayed Ejaculation (DE), I get how distressing these issues are. Men experience a loss of confidence, fear, shame (humiliation), and depression, typically suffering in silence and not knowing how to talk about these all too common difficulties. These emotions are often triggered for their partners also, who are puzzled by men’s avoidance of love-making and tend to blame themselves. The good news is that by bringing sex performance issues into the light, and working in couples therapy as an intimate team to achieve orgasm (love-making is best viewed as a team sport), they can be managed and often resolved such that the relationship continues to reap the multiple benefits of healthy sexuality and intimacy.
Counselling involves learning and practicing cognitive-behavioral techniques. Although each of the performance issues requires a somewhat different approach, reducing anxiety and increasing sexual arousal are common to all three, with the exception of PE, where, rather than heightening arousal, clients learn its management.
Please click on the link below to read a hypothetical case study that illustrates how I provide counselling to treat sexual performance issues. This case involves a man experiencing primary PE and secondary ED.
At some point in life, many people have problems or issues pertaining to sexuality. Regardless of whether you are struggling with feeling out of control with your sexual behavior, a lack of sexual desire in your relationship, or issues pertaining to male sexual performance, Dr. James is pleased to offer his services. The hardest step to finding a solution is often the first – reaching out. As an experienced, Dr. of Counselling-Psychology in BC and sex therapist/sexologist, Dr. James invites you to contact him by email info@pauljames.ca, phone, or text at 604-873-0222. He is happy to engage in a brief consultation in order to answer your questions. Dr. James is usually able to accommodate clients within one week.
Dr. Paul S. James
Registered Psychologist #975
Contact Us
Dr. Paul S. James, Ed.D.
Email: info@pauljames.ca
King Edward/Oak St. Office.
Phone: (604) 873-0222